


be the light in the dark of this danger

by MaddieandChimney



Series: Tumblr Prompt Responses [7]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: F/M, Gen, Spoilers for Buck Begins, an insight into the conversation between chimney and buck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-20
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-16 06:42:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,837
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29571942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaddieandChimney/pseuds/MaddieandChimney
Summary: “She gave me her ticket out of there, didn’t she? She… she gave all that up because of me?”“For you to have a chance.”
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley & Howie "Chimney" Han, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Maddie Buckley, Maddie Buckley/Howie "Chimney" Han
Series: Tumblr Prompt Responses [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2129619
Comments: 22
Kudos: 87
Collections: 9-1-1 Tales





	be the light in the dark of this danger

This isn’t a conversation that Chimney thought he would have but as he looks at the man in front of him, he knows he needs to hear it. It’s going to hurt, Chimney knows that much, god knows it had taken everything inside of him not to burst into tears in front of her. The ache still burns in his chest when he recounts the conversation, slowly moving to sit down on the bench as he gestures for Buck to do the same. 

He knows that he has every right to be angry because he would be too, if he’d found out a twenty-nine year family secret that was kept from him. But Maddie was nine and it was a promise forged in the midst of an undeniable trauma that she still hadn’t dealt with because she had never been allowed to. And there was so much that her brother didn’t know, some things he probably didn’t need to know because it would be of no benefit to him, but this… the knowledge that Maddie hadn’t sent him away because she didn’t want him in her life but because she wanted him to  _ have  _ a life away from Hershey and away from her. 

It takes a moment for the man he thinks of as a brother so sink down next to him, elbows resting on his thighs as he leans forward, refusing to look at him. “I’m not telling you this to force you into doing something you don’t want to, I need you to understand that, okay? I’m telling you this because… I think you need to know. I think it’s important that you know the truth because there’s been enough secrets and Maddie, all she’s ever wanted to do is protect you but she’d never want you to feel as though she didn’t want you because trust me, you saved her. And I owe you everything for that, Maddie fought like hell to get to where she is but you helped and I-I don’t think you understand just how much…” 

He takes a breath, trailing off for a moment as he tries to gather his thoughts, already feeling the tears burning his eyes as he rubs the back of his neck. Buck hasn’t said anything but at least he’s looking at him, the confusion clear on his face, hands clasped tightly in front of him. 

“She wanted to go with you, you have to know that.” He emphasises each word, hoping that Buck believes him because it had physically hurt when he realised that Maddie had almost escaped Doug six years before she had. It was this big ‘what if’ hanging over her now, things she wishes she could have changed whilst also knowing that she couldn’t have because she wasn’t sure of where their lives would have ended up if she’d left with him that night. Chimney knows though, as much as he loves her and as much as he loves their life together, if she could have been saved six years of pain and trauma, he’d give it all up. For her. 

He frowns, focusing on his lap instead, idly playing with a thread on his pants as he tries to find the most delicate way of saying this out loud. There’s that fear there that it might make everything worse, and he’s not sure Maddie would ever forgive him if she lost Buck forever. But surely  _ knowing _ the reality is better than not, surely… understanding what really happened that day if it’s forcing a barrier between the two, could help. “She gave you the jeep and the money because she wanted you to live. She was terrified that if you stayed in Hershey... “ He leaves it unsaid, knowing that Buck will know exactly what he’s implying because he’d pulled so many dangerous stunts growing up in a bid to get his parents attention, Maddie had truly worried that the next time he wouldn’t get so lucky. 

Slowly, he nods his head, exhaling a long breath before Chimney continues, “Things were already bad with Doug then and I know that’s not what you want to hear, I know it’s not easy to hear because trust me, you don’t need to know everything but you do need to know that there is nothing you could have done differently. I need you to know that because… these situations are complex and I know where your head is going to go and I’m not telling you this so you can blame yourself, do you understand?” 

It takes a moment, but he nods again, tears shimmering in his blue eyes, his fingers curling tighter around themselves in a bid to hide the trembling. “She wanted to give you the chance that she never got… to get away from Hershey and your parents, to get away from anything and anyone holding you back. And when you asked her to go with you… it was what she wanted and she didn’t… she didn’t change her mind because she loved you any less or because she wanted you gone… she changed her mind because she didn’t have a choice.” He gulps down the lump in his throat, shifting uncomfortably in his seat as he recalls holding a sobbing Maddie in his arms as she’d told him the story and it feels as though his heart is breaking all over again for both of the Buckley siblings and everything they had been through. He makes a silent promise to his daughter to love her no matter what, to give her anything and everything she could ever want or need. 

He lets it sink in, seeing the realisation in Buck’s eyes, followed by a look of horror and then the guilt he knew would come because it didn’t matter what he said, there’s a fierce protectiveness that burns inside both Buck and Maddie for each other. “He caught her and… he hurt her. Badly. And not only did he threaten her life, but yours too and… that was why she let you go. Because she knew what he was capable of and she wanted you to be happy, even if it meant never seeing you again. Not because she didn’t want you in her life, not because she didn’t love you but because she did and because she wanted you to  _ have _ a life more than she wanted anything else. She wanted you to be happy, that’s all she’s ever wanted.” 

He chews down on his bottom lip as he waits, silence falling over them as they sit in the locker room, grateful that no one has walked in as the youngest Buckley processes. “He was hurting her all that time?” The words are barely a whisper, his eyes darting around as though he’s thinking of something and Chimney can only imagine that he’s trying to remember any time he spent with his sister, every injury, every fearful look in her eyes. “That’s why I couldn’t stay with them. I-I asked her if I could… I asked her if I could stay and she gave me the keys to her jeep instead and I was angry when… when she left me that note, I was so angry and he was… all that time?” 

Chimney doesn’t want to go into detail, not too much, it’s not his story to tell, it’s not his place to profess to Buck that whilst the emotional manipulation and gaslighting had been from the very beginning of their relationship, the violence had started when she’d moved to Boston and escalated from there. So, he just slowly nods his head, “She was hurting all that time and I had no idea… I-I… what kind of brother does that make me?” 

“Buck, you were… you  _ are _ the best brother Maddie could have asked for. You gave her somewhere safe to run, you gave her a home. There is nothing more you could have done because you gave her hope.  _ You _ gave her something… someone… to fight for and I can… I can never thank you enough for that. Anything she kept from you was because you mean everything to her, she wanted to protect you, she just wants you to be happy. And you can be angry at her but please,  _ please _ don’t hate her because anything she’s done was what she thought was for the best, even if it wasn’t in the end. And I know if she could do it again, she would do it differently. But you have to know that you have never been unwanted or unloved by Maddie and those postcards that you sent, the Christmas cards… they gave her hope, you were her safe place and I am privileged to share that position with you now but you will always be her person.”

Buck takes a deep breath, slowly lifting himself up from the bench as he paces back and forth, not saying a word until, “She gave me her ticket out of there, didn’t she? She… she gave all that up because of me?” 

“ _ For _ you to have a chance.” Chimney stands up, too, “And she doesn’t regret it because you got out and she is so, so proud of you. And she’s scared right now that she’s lost you forever and I know that can’t be true because it’s you and Maddie.” At least he stops pacing, stopping near his locker as his hand comes to rest on the metal. 

“Is she home?” 

A wave of hope rushes over him, eagerly nodding his head because the past few days of holding Maddie as she cries, full of regret and fear that she’s lost the one person who had been responsible for  _ every _ happy memory she has of her childhood. “Give me ten to get changed, I need to see her.” 

Chimney nods, gently patting his hand against the other man’s arm as he moves to walk past him, before he stops and turns back to him, “Maddie will always come first, and our daughter, of course… but you’re my family, too and I’m sorry for the part I had to play in your hurt. I wish things had been different but I’m grateful that your journey brought you to LA and to the 118.” 

They smile at each other and he feels the tension in his shoulders easing a little before he takes a breath, “I’ll wait outside, take all the time you need.” 

“Thanks, Chim.” Buck’s voice is soft but he no longer looks as though he’s carrying the weight of the entire world on his shoulders and Chimney holds onto that hope he has that things will be okay. Because Maddie and Buck need each other, in a way he had never truly understood until she’d poured her heart out to him and only then, had he realised just how much the two of them  _ needed _ each other in their lives. How much his and Maddie’s daughter would need her uncle. It would be okay, it had to be okay.


End file.
